In the April edition of Martha Stewart Living magazine, Martha demonstrated the proper way to clean a dirty stove. The only problem? The stove she was scouring was already really clean to begin with. So today I wanted to show you how to clean a REALLY dirty appliance. My refrigerator. Martha Stewart, take note.

Step One. Gather the necessary supplies.

Step Two. Brace yourself. Make sure all small children are far away from the door when you open it, lest falling objects strike them and render them unconscious.

Step Three. Take a deep breath and repeat, “it’s just a kitchen appliance, it’s just a kitchen appliance” until you feel your heart rate return to normal. If that doesn’t do the trick, you might need to get a half price Frappuccino.

Step Four. Remove the first shelf and its contents.

Step Five. Clean the shelf, and inspect the food items for expiration dates.

Houston! We have a problem!

Houston?!

Step Six. Take time out to pat yourself on the back for the progress you’ve begun to make. Your mother would be proud!

Step Seven. Next it’s time to throw out any UFO (unidentified furry object).

Step Eight. Clean up the chocolate pudding that you just knocked over. Whoopsies.

Step Nine. Stand back and admire your work! You really have that domestic touch, don’t you?

There you have it. One spotless fridge in 9 easy steps. I don’t think Martha could’ve done it any better, do you?

PS. Ms. Stewart, if you are reading this and like what you see, you can email me at thecouponproject at hotmail dot com. Sure, I’d be happy to share my knowledge with your Martha Stewart Living readers and inspire them to achieve domestic greatness.

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Heidi Klum: Welcome to Coupon Project Runway! As you know in fashion, one day you’re in, and the next day you’re out. This week’s challenge was to create a fashionable look using only coupons, and tape. Let’s welcome your judges. Top American fashion designer, Michael Kors; fashion director at Marie Claire magazine, Nina Garcia, and special guest judge and new Disney celebrity, Tiana. Welcome.

Judges: (nodding smugly and waving)

Heidi:Michael Kors, you don’t look like yourself tonight….I hardly recognize you.

Michael Kors: Well, Heidi, to be perfectly frank, I don’t really feel like myself. But, let’s just go with it, OK?

Heidi:OK, it’s just…startling. You remind me of Justin Beiber.

Michael Kors: Let’s just get started, shall we?

Heidi: Very well. Let’s start the show!

(Look one, on model Kate: a vintage-inspired gown designed by Shelly. Shelly struggled with the meticulous construction of the skirt during the final hours of this challenge. She was also nearly sabotaged by Rainbow, who “accidentally” borrowed some of her coupons. Drama ensued, but Shelly brought it together.)

(Look two, on model Bianca: designer Mark took a risk by designing this two-piece bathing suit for the challenge. The top was made using an expired DeMet’s Turtle coupon. For the bottom, he used a combination of Rembrandt and Huggies coupons. Tim Gunn warned him this look might be considered “vulgar” by the judges, but Mark went with his gut instead.)

(Look three, on model Simone: designer Rainbow opted to create functional separates for this look. The asymmetrical “Save $1″ sleeve adds a touch of unexpected whimsy, characteristic of the style we’ve seen Rainbow pull off all season long. Rainbow thinks Shelly needs to grow up.)

Heidi: Designers, it’s time for us to critique your designs. Shelly, let’s start with you. Can you explain your design?

Shelly: I wanted old Hollywood glam for this look, but still very modern. The skirt took a long time. I used a different coupon for each pleat.

Heidi: Well, I loved this look. Loved it. I would wear it on the red carpet. I want that dress.

Nina: I thought it was cute, sweet. The proportion is also nice. Well done.

Heidi: Next, let’s bring out Mark.

Mark: I wanted to do something unexpected, so I thought a swimsuit would be good.

Michael Kors: Bad move, Mark. A swimsuit…made of coupons? Really, how is that supposed to hold up?

Mark: I didn’t think of that.

Nina: It doesn’t look expensive. It looks…cheap.

Mark: I thought that was the idea…coupons and all.

Nina: Now you’re being sarcastic.

Mark: No, I’m not.

Nina: (speechless)

Heidi: (trying to break the awkward silence) Let’s move onto Rainbow. Can you explain your design?

Rainbow: Sure, Heidi. I wanted to do something youthful and fun. I see the girl who wears this look as someone who is free-spirited, and very much the life of the party.

Tiana: Can I say O – M – G, love this look.

Michael Kors: Tiana, I totally agree. This is what women today want to wear. I could see this selling at Macy’s right now.

Heidi: Judges, it’s time to deliberate.

Judges: (deliberating)

Heidi: Designers, you all have worked so hard. But unfortunately, there can only be one winner of Coupon Project Runway. Mark, we recognize you think outside the box, and we think you have great promise. But unfortunately your look tonight did not measure up. Mark….you’re out.

 Heidi:Auf Wiedersehen, Mark.

Mark: Thanks for the opportunity. This won’t be the last time you’ll see me!

Heidi: Shelly, Rainbow, one of you is winner of Coupon Project Runway. Rainbow, we loved your modern, fresh look. You utilized your coupons wisely. Shelly, we were really “wowed” by your ability to take plain old coupons and transform them into a look worthy of the red carpet. This was a really close competition, but in the end, we believe one of you shows greater ability. The winner of Coupon Project Runway is…

Heidi: Rainbow!! Congratulations, you just won 100,000 coupons and the title of Coupon Project Runway winner! And Simone, because you modeled the winning look, you get a two page spread in an upcoming SmartSource insert wearing tonight’s winning look! Congrats to the both of you!

A final word…

Tim Gunn: On behalf of all the cast and crew of Coupon Project Runway, I want to thank you for wasting your time reading this completely superfluous post. In no way does this represent the content normally found on The Coupon Project. Just sometimes. And, I feel the need to disclose that no one was compensated or otherwise coerced to put this together. You just entered the most bizarre portion of Angela Russell’s brain, and I’m glad for both of our sakes, we’ve made it through mostly unscathed. No valid coupons were harmed in the making of today’s post. If for some unknown reason you actually found this to be enjoyable or humorous, go ahead and click that little “like” Facebook button below or leave a comment. With a little bit of luck, you might just see Biggest Coupon Loser, Coupon Bachelor, or Coupon Top Chef debut here one day soon. Make it work!

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