Humor

Apr

Ode to an Admin

You are a worker of miracles that go unnoticed everyday -
completing projects that require multiple emails, phone calls, and random coworker naggings,
navigating complicated two-sided, collated, and stapled copy jobs,
negotiating event contracts and hors d’oeuvres menus so employees can just show up and have a good time.

You are a collector of details -
you know the coffee preferences of each of the Board of Directors,
the dates of the next five Tech Committee meetings,
and the location of virtually every office supply imaginable.

You make your boss look good everyday -
remembering to add the pivotal report to her presentation portfolio just in time,
spiffing up his office the hour before that Big Client walks through the door,
reconciling conflicting schedules before she notices the error she’s made.

You orchestrate tasks others overlook -
the jobs so essential, yet often “beneath” your coworkers or bosses,
inventories, reports, orders, invoices, errands,
copies, research, phone calls, edits, filing.

You are a master of procedures, protocols, and programs -
the new accounting software that baffles everyone else,
getting reports to reconcile correctly the first time,
creating an Excel macro that no one cares about, until they need to care about it.

You are the ultimate multitasker -
juggling assignments, reports, and schedules,
handling phone calls, emails, cubicle drop-ins,
prioritizing and wading through tasks, deadlines, and endless requests.

You are the one people trust -
the resource on how a procedure is completed that no one else knows,
a shoulder to cry on when the task seems too big,
the cubicle folks like to stop by on their way from a coffee break.

Too often called “just an admin,”
(And too often you call yourself “just an admin”)
too often underestimated,
too often misunderstood.

No, you are a true professional, and without you,
the everyday and extraordinary things that happen at your workplace just wouldn’t happen.

So on behalf of bosses, managers, and coworkers everywhere,
and from one former Admin to another -
Happy Administrative Professional’s Day.

(Now go share this post with your boss and make sure they take you out to a NICE lunch. You deserve it!)

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Apr

R.I.P., my Student Loan

Rest in peace, my student loan.

You were always there for me (or should I say, I was always there for you?)

Every month, we’d meet over ACH. I’m sure you appreciated the meeting more than I did.

To add insult to injury, many a person thought an English degree was a silly investment.

(Because surely, there is nothing I could do with it other than teach.)

You hung around so long I thought we’d never say goodbye.

But the day has come….

So while you rest in peace, my student loan, I’ll rest easier tonight.

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Apr

The unfortunate episode in the produce department with me, my kids, and the “car cart”

The kids were out of milk and eggs, and we were so out of toilet paper we were at the point of having to drive to a public restroom just so we could wipe decently. Yes, it was time to do our weekly grocery shopping.

I thought it would be “fun” to take the kids. They’d had a day playing and enjoying the start of their spring break and I figured they’d enjoy a nice little outing with Mommy. Or maybe it was the beautiful sunshine that deluded me into thinking this was a good idea. Either way, silly me. As I parked the car into the Fred Meyer parking lot, I realize I’d left my coupon binders at home. As much as I wanted to go back and grab them, I knew that we didn’t have time nor did I want to waste the $4/gallon gas I’d put in the car earlier in the day. So the trip was already not off to such a great start.

Of course, the kids wanted to go in what they call the “car cart” as soon as they saw it in the parking lot. Do you know what I’m talking about? It’s the train-sized cart with the toy car stuck in front. Now a couple years ago the car cart worked perfectly for our grocery shopping situation. But something has happened in the last couple of years that have made the car cart a less-than-ideal solution: my kids have grown. A lot.

I should’ve known better as my son had to really work to cram his legs in the thing and sister got jabbed by an elbow. But instead I had this hope that maybe they’d stay contained anyways and I could get in and out quickly. Yeah, no.

Not even a minute and a half into the store the fighting ensues. My son insists it’s most comfortable for him to extend his arm out so it’s directly in front of sister’s face and then sister of course has developed this high pitch whiny cry that makes my eyes twitch and heart rate increase. I’m sure we were disturbing the otherwise peaceful mood in the produce department. I tried to ignore any judgmental glances shot my general direction.

And then there comes that moment. You know the moment. When you’ve threatened, and threatened, and given the warnings and now there is no more warnings. It’s time to decide if you have what it in you to act. As a bonus, it’s always so much more fun to follow through on a threat with your kids when you’re out in public. Try it sometime. So right then and there I made the kids get OUT of the car cart and worked frantically and furiously to transfer the contents to a plain ol’ cart cart while both of my kids stood there crying and carrying on and begging for more chances. I began to wonder what was worse: listening to my kids fight, or listening to my kids having simultaneous tamtrums. It was about this time I grew envious of the shoppers in the store that were there alone, lolly gagging about and perhaps enjoying a latte as they worked their way through the aisles….le sigh.

I decided the best plan of attack at this point would be to get out of the store, and quickly. Heck to the no was I leaving without finishing my grocery list. It would just be done faster, that’s all. The kids were still weepy up until the final ten minutes and my son frequently pointed out that the plain cart was “just not the same” as the car cart. Well, no, it’s not. It actually navigates down the aisles without taking out several shoppers in the process.

I was down to the final three items on my list and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel when a fellow shopper approached me.

“You know, I can tell what aisle you guys are on,” she started.

I blushed. Oh gosh, had I been yelling at my kids the entire shopping trip? I was so embarrassed, bracing for what might come next.

But to my surprise she continued, “I can hear you talking so nicely to your children.”

Um, say WHAT?! Could she mean ME? I thanked her, and there wasn’t any show of sarcasm. It occurred to me that many times after I discipline my children, I’ll talk to them about what it means to make good choices, be respectful, and the like. Is it possible this is what she heard? Who knows, but after the episode I’d had in the grocery store, I’ll take a compliment, ANY compliment I can get.

I thought I would share this story because sometimes we are having a bad moment, bad day, or going through a bad phase with one of our kids. It can be easy to lose sight of the bigger picture. Of the amazing people are children are becoming. Of the way our own character is shaped and challenged through the process of parenting.

Keefe and Piper, you might be rapscallions sometimes, but you’ll always be my little rapscallions. (Seriously, as I’m typing this, my son flicked a booger onto my laptop screen. YIKES.) Back to the point: I love you and am so glad to be your mommy.

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Apr

Announcing my April Series: SurvivorGirl!

For months now, I’ve been hinting that I’ve been hard at work planning for one AWESOME April series. It gives me goosebumps to finally unveil it with you. It just may be the craziest thing I’ve done on the blog. Or in real life. As in EVER. And I’ve done some pretty crazy stuff.

Gearing up for a CRAZY adventure

Henry David Thoreau, in his famous piece Walden wrote: “I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach…” In fact, he left his home to do just that. Live in the woods. He built a shelter, grew his own food, all without the modern conveniences we enjoy today.

Self reliance is such a buzz word today…but who actually LIVES it? Who actually up and says, “I’m going to reject all modern conveniences and move to the woods?” And a few months ago I had a lightbulb go off and said to myself, “if Thoreau can do it, well so can I.”

So for the month of April, my friends, this will be my new home:

All it needs is a few homey touches

I know some of you are freaking out right about now, thinking I’ve lost my mind or gone off the deep end. I assure you, I’ve made this decision very carefully. Some of the things I’ve done to prepare:

Watched all episodes of Survivorman
Consulted my doctor for physical and mental fitness for this challenge
Taken a few survivalist courses
Watched MANY YouTube videos on topics such as knot making, hunting, and first aid

Of course, this means that the blog will basically be on pause for the next month. I’m packing my FlipCamera with me and once a week, will be meeting with my husband briefly to check in on him and the kids, upload the video to my YouTube channel and share with you how I’m doing. But otherwise? I’ll be unplugged.

You might be wondering what I’m going to bring with me. I did decide on a few basic essentials to get me started.

Here’s what I’m bringing with and why:

Backpack. This will keep everything on my person or at my homestead site neat & tidy. It contains a sleeping bag as well.
Ice Axe. It seemed like a good idea to pack this with. I might not encounter glaciers, but there are coyotes in the woods I’m headed to and it seemed like a good idea to have something weapon-like.
Food/water. I’m actually not packing much food, because I want to go whole hog as much as possible. I do figure it could take a couple days before I trap a squirrel or find edible mushrooms and roots, so I wanted to give myself a few calories until then, anyhow. I dug up a couple camp style meals and a couple thingys of Vita Coca. They have great potassium in them.
Cookbook and Kindle. I checked out this Raw Foods cookbook at the library and it sure seemed appropriate given that I will likely be eating a lot of raw stuffs. I have also loaded my Kindle with great stories of survivalists: Native Americans, pioneers, Thoreau, Katniss Everdeen. You get the idea. Plus, it will be good to have something to read while I’m out in the woods. I charged the puppy up to 100%, so we’ll see if it actually gets me through the month or not.

I’m not bringing with my cell phone, laptop, Mr. Coffee (sigh), or money. Like I said, my husband knows where I will be and he will be checking in on me once a week just to make sure everything’s on the up and up. After many long discussions, we just decided it would be best for him to stay at our house with the kids. I just didn’t think it would go over so well to pull them out of school for this.

Wish Me Luck!

Please do follow me on YouTube and keep an eye here on the blog for my weekly updates. Please, please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. While I’m reasonably confident Survivorman has nothing on me, who knows what the next month could hold in store…and with that I’ll sign off with….April Fool’s!

PS come back tomorrow for the REAL April Series announcement.

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Mar

(Trailer) The Coupon Games: May the Coupons be Ever in your Favor

It is a post coupon apocalyptic world. The Dark Days of coupon fraud, extreme couponing, and the quest for free Tide laundry detergent have finally come to an end. Oppressed, broke, and starving for some seriously good deals, the residents of the Twelve Aisles are subject to the rule of Checkout City and paying full price for their groceries. To remind the people of how bad couponing can go, the Checkout City came up a terribly cruel punishment.

Each year two children, between the ages of 12 and 18 will be chosen from each of the Twelve Aisles. 24 in all. They will be forced to fight in an arena over hot deals and scant coupons. An evil Supermarket Sweep where only one will be left standing.

In Aisle Twelve, the Aisle of Cola, one girl will sacrifice everything to protect her sister….

Pibb: (Crying) Just try to win. Promise me, you’ll try.

Fresca: I promise, Pibb! Stay strong.

Before the eyes of the world, the game will play out, for good or bad…

Muffy: It’s going to be a big, big day!

And she’ll leave behind her childhood companion, the one who taught her about the underground coupon world…

Grape: You keep your eye on the Target, and then you use coupons…

Fresca: Like this?

She’ll encounter unexpected friendships…

Cinnamon: The world will remember Fresca, the girl from the Cola Aisle. The girl who was full of bubbles.

Fresca: It’s…gorgeous. I don’t know what to say, Cinnamon. *Burp*

Cinnamon: I’d bet money on you.

And receive the help of an unlikely mentor.

Hi-C: Listen to me, Fresca! In that arena, when everyone runs for the coupons, you just get out of there. Let them duke it out for the Bumble Bee Tuna and SoBe. You….just get the heck out of there. Those deals are going to be insane and there will be freakouts before you can say boo. Do you understand me? DO YOU?!

Fresca: (Nods)

Her courage will be put to the test….

Random contestant #1: FREE cupcake mix! There is FREE cupcake mix with these coupons!

Random contestant #2: No – that’s MY free cupcake mix!

Random contestant #1: But I’ve never even seen cupcake mix…I come from Aisle Four, Paper Products. This is mine!

(Fighting)

And she’ll find kindness from an unexpected source.

Pepper: Here, take this coupon….you need it more than I do.

Fresca: No, Pepper….no, I can’t -

Pepper: Take it.

Fresca: (pauses) When will I ever stop owing you?

She will have important decisions to make about her love life…

And her life on the playing field. Will she stay true to herself, or become just another coupawn in their sick game?

Fresca: I think this is a good deal? Oh, if only Grape were here!

With cameo appearances from Donald Trump, as President Snowball.

And Princess Tiana, as Rue La La.

The Coupon Games. May the coupons be ever in your favor.

Coming this Friday to theaters everywhere. Rated PG-13 for scenes of coupon mutilation and stockpile destruction.

{ 28 comments }

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Feb

First World Problems: The Coupon Edition

I made this picture myself. I am talented.

A few months ago, I stumbled upon this post at Rants from Mommyland and was introduced to the concept of First World Problems. They’d gotten the idea from this blog called The Badger. (Warning if you click the links, there is a bit of language some might find objectionable.)

Now of course this got me thinking. So I give you…

First World Problems: The Coupon Edition.

The store finally got their stock of pasta in, but I forgot my coupons at home.

I showed someone how to use coupons, and now they do it better than I do.

The sale requires that I buy four of the same item, but I only have three coupons.

The sale requires that I buy four of the same item, but I have five coupons. I’ll have one left over.

I can’t determine how to best optimize my soup can and cereal box layout for my haul photo.

My camera’s battery is dead so now I have to wait for it to recharge, and take all my groceries back out again in a couple hours to take my haul photo.

I had to send in my original receipt for a rebate offer, so I can no longer stroke it and remember the 82% savings rate I achieved on that particular transaction.

My $1 Register Reward is going to expire tonight and I just realized it and it’s 9pm and I’m already in my pajamas.

I don’t know whether to file my salsa coupons in the dry/canned goods, condiments, or miscellaneous snacks category.

In the good old days, I could get a box of cereal for $0.50. Now I have to pay a whole dollar.

I went to clip my insert coupons and I accidentally cut through two pages, badly wounding a high-value juice coupon.

I folded my coupon to put in the binder, but now I can’t see the expiration date.

It was a three day sale, and I went to the store on one of the other 4 days of the week.

I found a discarded coupon insert on the side of the road, but there was a slug stuck to it.*

* That actually did happen to me a couple years ago.

Got any to add to my list?

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The Frugal Adventures of the Russell Family: Ocean Edition

January 18, 2012

We’ve sure had our share of frugal misadventures in the past, so I was excited to share the ”win” we had last weekend with our small Ocean Shores getaway. Win #1: Buying a Hotel Stay on Groupon. So I found a killer deal for a 2-night Ocean Shores getaway on Groupon a couple months ago. It [...]

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Please Pass the Fruitcake: Boar’s Head (post 12 of 12)

December 16, 2011

Today is the grand finale of my Christmas series called Please Pass the Fruitcake. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading about these traditional recipes and crafts as much as I’ve had creating and writing about them for you. So in my research, there was one meal that kept coming up over and over. To the point [...]

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Who needs wrapping paper? Not this girl.

December 8, 2011

I hate paying for stuff you’re going to throw away anyhow. So last night I made a challenge for myself. How many household alternatives could I find for gift wrap in 30 minutes? Here’s what I came up with. I never use my yellow pages anyways. This is upcycling as far as I’m concerned. With [...]

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Historic Seattle Ferry: Just $1!! (some restrictions apply)

December 6, 2011

WOW! This would make an incredible Christmas gift for someone – YOUR VERY OWN FERRY – for just $1! There are soooo many ideas for this puppy, it’s unreal… Turn it into a funky B&B Make it an awesome play place for the kids Erect it in your front yard and start charging admission Outfit [...]

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